


Anathema

by ThatDastardCerberus



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Crystal Gems (Steven Universe), F/F, Gem Rebellion, Gen, Homeworld is Horrible, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pink does not fake her shattering, Pre-A Single Pale Rose events, Unreliable Narrator, pro-pink diamond, pro-rose quartz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23438011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDastardCerberus/pseuds/ThatDastardCerberus
Summary: Instead of faking her shattering and living as Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond makes a different decision. All for the sake of the Earth and the Crystal Gems, she will become the one thing she hates; a proper Diamond.Beta'ed by Shadowjonathan
Relationships: Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Pearl/Rose Quartz | Pink Diamond
Comments: 73
Kudos: 211





	1. The Meeting

_Once again I do what I have done for years_

_Trying to forget and fighting back the tears_

_It’s a new day and yet I feel the same_

_-“So Far Away,” by Gabriel Brown & Michelle Creber_

* * *

**“We’re tired of your excuses.”**

_Excuses._ That was a funny way of viewing her pleas to stop the colonization, but then again, when have they ever cared about what she thought?

Blue said that; ‘As long as she was _there_ to rule, the colony would be completed.’ As long as she was _there_. 

Maybe… maybe that was the issue. 

Maybe as long as Pink was present, as long as _Pink Diamond_ existed, Homeworld will continue their invasion.

If she could just... _disappear_ — if Pink Diamond could cease to exist — all of this would be _over_.

Her train of thought was interrupted by her Pearl, sheepishly entering the Control Room with her head down out of shame. Pink’s gem burned with concern, and immediately she got up from her chair to comfort the smaller gem.

Placing her hands on either side of her lover’s face, Pink uttered, “Pearl, what’s going on? You look like you saw White—”

“Her Pearl summoned you,” Pearl murmured, her eyes glazed over, staring into nothing. 

Time stopped, Pink’s eyes wide, her body still as the wallgems inside the Diamond palace. 

Why—? Why was White— _did Blue and Yellow say something to her?_ Was White going to—

“Pearl, go to the others.”

Pearl jerked her head upward, finally meeting her Diamond’s eyes. “Wh-what? But—”

“I’ll meet with White alone. In the meantime, use this opportunity to raid one of the fleets. I’m sure everyone would appreciate the resources you’ll gather from it.”

“But, m-my Diamond,” Pearl started, “if you go to White alone, she could—”

“I’ll be fine, Pearl.” A lie. All Pink was capable of doing was _lying_. 

She forced a smile on her face, although it could never reach her eyes. “I mean it, Pearl. That’s an order, from Rose to the _renegade Pearl_.” 

Pearl could only watch as Pink pulled away, straightening her posture and marching towards the warp pad.

“My Dia— _Rose_!”

Pink stopped, turning to Pearl, who now wore a determined look on her face. Placing a hand on her chest, Pearl declared, “Those Homeworld gems won’t stand a chance against us!” 

Pink smiled, nodding before stepping on the warp pad.

* * *

Precise. Flawless. _Absolute_. Those words would be used to describe White’s _brilliance_ to all that beheld Her Light. 

Even Pink, a mere _pebble_ compared to her, couldn’t bring herself to disagree, no matter how vile and disgusting it was to look upon the gem who claimed to create her.

White’s expression never deviated from the relentless smile plastered on her _perfect_ face. Eyes that outshone a star, staring _directly_ into Pink’s _pitiful_ façade. 

Pink herself couldn’t stop the slight tremble in her hands, no matter how tightly she clenched her fists, or how hard she bit into her lower lip, or stiffened her shoulders, White’s presence was all-encompassing, _all-consuming_ , and _nothing_ Pink could do would prevent White from pushing herself into Pink’s gem within the blink of an eye.

“Oh Starlight,” White crooned, showing too much teeth for Pink’s liking, “what is this that I have been hearing about a little _game_ you’ve been playing with your _court_?”

Pink jerked her head away, no longer able to look White in the eyes. “Th-the Crystal Gems… they-they’re too persistent, too strong. They’re always one step ahead of me—"

“ _Is that so..._ ” White mused. 

She moved smoothly, cupping one hand under her chin. “That is such a pity, especially since Blue and Yellow worked _so_ hard to give you a colony, _this_ colony. One that—I might add—you _begged_ for.”

Pink shut her eyes, tensing further as White continued, “I _knew_ you weren’t ready, but here we are, with you taking on _more and more_ responsibilities than you could handle. Whatever will we do with this… quarrel?” 

Pink pressed her lips as White droned on, forcing her face to remain as stoic as she possibly could. Her hands wouldn’t stop trembling, and she heard White let out a soft chuckle.

“ _Starlight_.” An elegant finger touched Pink’s chin, forcing her head up to look directly into White’s _radiant_ face again. “You _are_ quite aware what our authority thinks about this silly little ‘rebellion’ that you have been allowing, no? It’s _quite_ disappointing to have a _Diamond_ being viewed as... **_defective_**.” 

Pink’s body instinctively reacted to the word, her expression shifting into one of horror. 

White’s smile softened slightly, a hint of warmth gleaming from her eyes before fading as quickly as it appeared. “I am only looking out for you, Pink. And I am not the only one who is worried, you know.”

Guilt washed over Pink, but she forced it away. _Worried?_ Stop joking. They don’t _care_ , and they never _had_. They were more concerned with what Pink’s failures made _them_ look like.

“I am sorry for worrying you, _White_ ,” Pink forced herself to say, robotically. “I will continue to do my best, for the glory of the empire, to the radiance of this authority.” Pink wanted to retch, desperately trying to keep the disgust out of her facial features.

“Are you really, though, Starlight?” The condescension was blatantly in White’s tone now.

“Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’re not _trying_ enough. No executions of rebel gems, but placing them in holding cells instead, where they can be easily rescued by their comrades. Bubbling every Rose Quartz instead of _disposing_ of them. You must pardon me for making such an assumption, but it appears that you have been _too soft_ with these… oh, what did they call themselves? _Crystal Gems_? Quite a _ridiculous_ name, if I must say so.”

 _‘No one asked you’_ , Pink thought before shoving that aside. “The Crystal Gems are—”

“Pink, I will be frank here.” White kneed down to Pink’s eye level, her shimmering hand keeping Pink’s face in place. “If you do not squash this rebellion, I may have no choice but to step in _myself_. You have but only demonstrated that you are _unfit_ for a colony. Are we understood?”

Pink felt tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “I-I… Y-yes… I understand…”

“ _Wonderful!_ ” White released Pink’s face, standing up with a clap of her hands. “That is all. You may return to your colony to _finish_ what you _started_. Go on, you mustn’t dwell!”

With that, White’s Pearl appeared by Pink’s side, not allowing Pink a chance to reply, warping the frightened, teary-eyed Pink out of White’s head ship.


	2. Her Decision

_Things don't look better today_

_The mask I wear is crumbling away_

_Lapsing in depravity_

_I didn't see what had happened to me_

_-“Ghost Rule,” by Lollita_

* * *

Pink collapsed in her observation deck on the Moon Base, choking back a sob as she hugged herself. Was nothing precious to Pink _worthy_? How could White be so cruel, so callous—

 _No_ , she reminded herself. White was _always_ like this. She didn’t care, _just_ like the others. She _didn’t care_ when Pink’s original Pearl was _hurt_. She _didn’t care_ when Pink pleaded for aid in healing her friend, her precious Pearl.

 _None_ of the Diamonds cared.

 _‘I could just shatter myself’_ , Pink thought as she wept. _‘Just be_ done _with this awful existence.’_

Oh, why couldn’t she have been a simple Quartz? Wouldn’t life be so much simpler? So much more free—

“What if I fake my shattering?”

Pink would have laughed, had she not been crying uncontrollably. It sounded so ridiculous, just hearing herself say that aloud but… Was it even possible?

“P-Pearl could shapeshift into Rose Quartz. The sword Bismuth crafted for Rose, it can only destroy a Gem’s physical form, never harming the gemstone itself. But only three Gems know of this quirk, and with Bismuth bubbled…”

Pink couldn’t stop rambling, her tears drying up. A pulse of joy ran through her form, giving her hope. She could be free. She could be _free._ Finally free of the disappointment, the alienation, her failures. _Free_.

“And with _Pink Diamond_ gone, the colonization would be halted. No _Diamond_ has ever been shattered before. Oho, I must tell Pearl about this immedi—”

**_‘If you do not squash this rebellion, I may have no choice but to step in myself.’_ **

Pink froze mid-step, White’s words echoing in her gem. What… had she meant by stepping in _herself_? She couldn’t mean— _no_ , she wouldn’t…

“White wouldn’t stoop so low. She wouldn’t _possibly_ …” 

Pink reached out, desperately trying to grasp something to steady herself. The observation orb lit up at her touch, filling the room with light before fading into a darkness. Standing in front of her, oddly enough, was a familiar looking Rose Quartz, dressed in a beautiful petal-shaped gown.

“We can _end_ this, right here, right now,” Rose spoke, echoing Pink’s voice. “We can free ourselves, Pearl, _and_ the Crystal Gems from Homeworld’s grasp.”

“But what about what _White_ said,” Pink asked herself. “She said—she said she might have to interfere—”

“White doesn’t _care_ ,” Rose replied. “ _None_ of them do, you _know_ this. They’d be happier with you _gone_ , don’t you see? This war has dragged on for _too long_ , we’re running out of time. We need to end—”

“It doesn’t _matter_ if she doesn’t care,” Pink barked back, startling herself with her tone of voice. 

She blinked, before shaking her head. “She—I know she doesn’t care, but what if—”

“It’s _too late_ for now,” Rose retorted. “Blue said it herself. This is our chance to _finish_ things. We can end things—”

“If they didn’t care, how are we so _sure_ they won’t just take the colony?!” Pink spat back.

“Just like _everything_ I loved! Or did you forget what happened _last_ time?” Her eyes narrowed, glowering back at the Quartz. “ _Nothing_ is precious to them, except this _stupid empire_. _That’s_ all they care about. If I fail, if I’m _shattered_ , how can we guarantee that they won’t leave Earth alone?”

Rose hesitated, clutching the ruffles of her dress. “I... I-I don’t know. But, still, how else can we _end_ this? This war… hasn’t it dragged on long enough?”

Pink didn’t reply immediately. Instead, she sat down, leaning her back against the observation orb. “I don’t know. _Stars…_ what have I gotten us into? Pearl, Garnet, Biggs, Crazy Lace, Snowflake, Larimar, Tiger’s Eye, Beryl, Serpentine… they’re all counting on me to fix things. But I can’t… I can’t…”

Rose watched herself, a single tear silently flowing down her cheek. “Something needs to happen. We can’t keep this up forever. _Too many Gems_ are losing themselves to this.”

“I can’t fix this,” Pink murmured. “I can only _destroy_. I can only make things _worse_. Why can’t I just be _done_ with all of this? Why can’t I just live on Earth with Pearl and everyone in _peace_?!”

“If we fake our shattering, we _can_!” Rose encouraged. “As Rose Quartz, we can leave our old life behind! We won’t be a _Diamond_ anymore, we’ll just be _Rose_!”

Pink let out a hoarse chuckle. “If only it were that simple. I can’t hide it anymore. I’m _afraid_. I’m afraid of _White_ appearing out of nowhere, invading our base, attacking everyone I love before locking me up in that wretched _tower_. How many gems would we lose? I can’t see Bismuth going down without—"

Pink’s eyes widened, a horrified look overtaking her face. Rose wore the same expression, mouth slightly agape.

“ _Bismuth_.” The name hung in the air, heavy with tension.

“We _abandoned_ her,” Pink whispered, feeling her body shake. “We—Me—You,” Pink’s eyes focused on Rose’s form, “ _you_ bubbled her away because _you_ were _afraid_! You didn’t want to face her, you couldn’t handle how she _looked_ at us, the _real me_!”

Rose balked. “Wh-what, no! I—she—she wanted to _shatter_ Gems, we can’t just—”

“You keep telling yourself that, but I know the _truth_!” Pink couldn’t stop the flurry of words that came out. 

“Admit it! We’re a _fraud_! We’re no _Diamond_ , but we are certainly no _Quartz_ either! How _ridiculous_ was I to believe I could create this _fantasy_ —fool _everyone_ I love—into thinking we’re just like _them_! But we’re _not_! No matter how much we try to fool everyone, we can’t deny our _true_ nature!”

Rose took a few steps back. “I am a _Diamond_ … I—I’m not a real—”

“You’re _not_ ,” Pink retorted. “You’re just a _fraud_! A liar and a _coward_! _That's_ what we are! And that is what we will always _be_!”

“No!” Rose cried. “Pearl—Garnet and Pearl, they don’t—”

“They wouldn’t think the same if they knew about what we did to _Bismuth_ , would they?”

Venom laced Pink’s words as she continued, “I was such a _fool_ … to think I can just _rotate_ my gem, change my shape—none of that _matters_! None of that changes what we _are_ , what I _am_! I am a _Diamond_! And I can only _be_ a Diamond, no matter how terrible…”

Pink trembled, her fists clutching. Who was she fooling? She was just _awful_. She couldn’t change that, no matter how much she dreamed, no matter how much she _tried_. She was hopeless, _worthless_. What a _wretched_ existence she was cursed with.

“What,” Rose slowly spoke, “What can we do now?”

She didn’t know. Everything she created, everything she worked towards, all of it was crumbling in her hands. She was no _rebel leader_. She wasn’t _beautiful_. She wasn’t _wonderful_. She was just _pathetic_. Why… _why_ was she made like this? Why couldn’t she just _reinvent herself_ —

A dark thought entered her gem’s core. If she can never be a real _Quartz_ , what is stopping her from becoming a real _Diamond_?

"No." Rose said, " _No!_ "

Pink’s gaze fixed on Rose, a moment of clarity hitting her. Every time Pink tried to be like the others, tried to be close to others, things went _wrong_. She was never made to be personable, she wasn't meant to be close to others. She would destroy _everything_ that came close to her, like a black hole. Sucking everything from the people she loved most. She was _Destruction Incarnate_.

“We are _not_!” Rose bellowed. “I am a _healer_! I have a _shield_! I only _protect and defend_! I—”

“Quartz soldiers aren’t healers.” Pink’s voice was emotionless, listless. “Even as yourself, you’re a _liar_.” A hollow, empty laugh rang out through the observation deck. “We’re just a lying coward, playing _everyone_ for fools. How funny is that, _hmm_? Isn’t that funny, _Rose_?”

“Stop it!” Rose shouted, summoning her shield and sword. “You don’t know what you’re _talking_ about!”

“I _don’t_ , do I?” Pink laughed hysterically, spreading out her arms as tears fell from her face. “I don’t know _anything_! You’re absolutely right! I can’t fix _anything_! _Who_ are we fooling? _I’m_ such a fool, I managed to trick _myself_ into thinking I was even _capable_ of change! What kind of pebble would I have to be, to think such a thing?!”

Pink stood up, taking a few steps towards herself. Rose scrambled backward, back pressed the wall as her curls wrapped around her body, almost like a shield. 

“But I had a thought,” Pink continued. “Why does _everyone_ I love keep getting hurt? Do you know why, _Rose_? Because I’m beginning to see it. I think I understand _why_ now.” She moved quickly, pinning Rose against the wall. Rose let out a gasp as the wall behind her made a sickening crunch.

Leaning in close, Pink spoke softly. “I’m _defective_. I can never be a _proper Diamond_ as long as I am like _this_. And since I can never become a simple _Quartz_ , I thought, ‘Why not make myself a proper _Diamond_?’ What if I _removed_ the desire for closeness, what if I _removed_ that need to _compromise_ those around me? Imagine that, _Rose_. Imagine if I had _never_ been so close to Pearl? Would she have been hurt just for being too _close_ to me? No, no, she would still be here, _safe_ and _sound_ and _not_ with that _horrible crack on her face_! A crack caused by _me!_ ”

Rose struggled, letting out a weak rebuttal, “Please stop! You’re _scaring_ me!”

Laughing coldly, Pink sneered. “Diamonds are _terrifying_ , aren’t they? We were made like that, so it would make sense that you would be _afraid_. That is how it’s _meant_ to be, after all.”

Suddenly, Pink released Rose, with the other gem slipping down against the cold floor.

Looking up timidly at the Diamond, Rose asked, “What… what do you plan to do?”

Pink stared blankly at Rose, before looking upward, towards some imagined sky. “I… I can’t keep this up. I can’t keep _hurting_ everyone. I’m being too cruel, too selfish. So that’s why—that’s why I’m—” Pink looked down at Rose, causing the other gem to flinch. “That’s why I’m ending the rebellion _right now_.”

“Wh—how?” Rose asked, before letting out a yelp as Pink once again pinned her against the wall, both hands grasping her waist, where her gem was.

“The rebel leader Rose Quartz is shattered by her former Diamond, thus bringing the rebellion to a close.” The gloved hands squeezed, and no matter how much Rose struggled, the grip never loosened. “With that, the gems under her thumb will be captured. No more shatters, no more Gems falling for a _lie_.”

Rose’s form poofed, her gem, Pink’s gem, in her hands. She didn’t stop squeezing. “I _will_ be a Diamond, and I _will_ use my power to protect the Earth. No Zoos, no Kindergartens. They want me to finish what I started? _Fine_. I will run my colony the way I want it to. And I’ll be _cracked_ if they try and _stop_ me.”

CRACK! Pink blinked, gasping as her hands released themselves from her gemstone.

She flung forward on her hands and knees, shivering and panting. Looking up slowly, she saw a large crack on the wall of the observation deck. 

A sudden thump caused her to look over her shoulder, and see the observation orb, broken, _completely_ split in two.

Pink gawked, slumping into a sitting position and touching her face. Moisture. She pulled her gloved hand back to see tear stains. Had she been crying this whole time? 

Pink blinked, more tears rolling down her cheeks. She gulped, choked, before breaking out into a sob once again, curling up in a ball.

She knew what she had to do. She knew she _had_ to do this. For everyone’s sake…

She was _done_ playing games. If the Diamonds wanted her to act like them, they’ll _get_ it. _Pink Diamond_ will protect her colony, and no one, not even White _herself_ , will be able to stop her.


	3. The Price to Pay

_ "I'm just fine." _

_ Her breathing out a sigh _

_ You know, those words are gone with the wind? _

_ \- “Rolling Girl” by JudyPhonic _

* * *

Tracing her fingers over the mural, Pink couldn’t stop the scoff she let out. The mural of herself, bursting for while holding out the Earth, felt more like a mockery than a true reflection. The sharp edges, the dynamic pose… _nothing_ was like her.

But why should she be surprised? No one knew who she _really_ was. Not even herself.

“But that’s going to change soon, right?” Pink asked to the empty air. “I need to make a choice, right here, right now. I need to decide. Who. I. _Am_.” She emphasized each word with a step, up the stairs, past the destroyed observation deck, into the Control Room.

She paused in front of the control panel, lost in thought, eyes staring far away, towards the beautiful blue and green world she fell in love with. This world that offered so much, yet asked for so little in return—

She’ll protect it, no matter what. She will protect everyone.

Sliding into her chair, Pink opened the main computer console before delving into various records. 

First thing’s first; In order to secure Earth from White’s intervention, the rebellion had to be stopped. Capturing Rose Quartz would be difficult, seeing how she was Rose. And she couldn’t possibly ask Pearl to play such a role. She refused to—

Skimming through the articles, Pink let out a sigh. “At least the Crystal Gems took my advice on taking out that fleet. If Bismuth was there, she’d be over the moon…”

_ Bismuth _ . The gem’s fate was unknown to everyone, including Pearl, her greatest confidant. How would Pearl even react to learning the truth of Bismuth’s fate? Bubbled and hidden away so no one could find her.

Pink grinded her teeth as she thought. How foolish. How utterly, stupidly foolish of her to even _think_ things would go so well, just because Rose wanted them to. Of course Bismuth’s disappearance can never be revealed if she had gone through her original thought of faking her own death. Only Bismuth knows the truth about the sword and how it could never shatter a gem. She would become suspicious, and Pearl—

Crack. Crack, crack, _crack_! Why can’t she just do something useful for once?

Sighing, Pink focused her eyes on the screen. End the rebellion. Focus. End the rebellion. There has to be a way to end it swiftly with minimal harm done—

“If only everyone just stopped fighting,” Pink groaned. “Just—” she snapped her fingers, “—stopped, like that.” If only Rose could just tell the rebels to stop. But that was laughable. Their glorious leader, Rose Quartz, wanting to cease the fighting she started.

Pink’s eyes narrowed. They wouldn’t listen. Why should they? After all, Rose had inspired so many gems to leave Homeworld, betraying their former comrades and abandoning the roles imposed on them. And even if Rose had somehow managed to convince the entirety of the Crystal Gems into ceasing, no Homeworld gem would even _consider_ allowing the traitors back into their ranks. She had once seen first hand what happened when a rebel tried to return. They were Rejuvenated instantly—

Her eyes lit up at the mention of the tool. The Rejuvenator! Bismuth had mentioned it passing once (having been Rejuvenated in the past, apparently). Its potency destabilized a gem’s form so quickly, all the while having the gem be reset—

“Wait, reset?” Pink voiced. “As in, back to the day they emerged…But, so many of them had memories prior to—I can’t take that away!”

Running her fingers through her thick curls, she blinked away the tears that were rapidly welling up in her eyes. She had already taken so much from these gems, correction, her _friends_. How could she even _think_ of taking more away? But if the rebellion continued, there would be nothing left to protect, nobody to defend. Gems would be shattered. Lives lost. White might even—

“ **NO!** ” Pink slammed her fist on the control panel, crushing it.

“I won’t let her! I can’t! Everyone is relying on me! So why—why can’t I just...!” Her voice caught, and she pulled on her curls, tensing up. _‘Don’t cry now. Save your tears. Tears won’t help us. Tears never help us.’_

She stood up, and then started pacing back and forth, arms crossed, contemplating. Simply telling the Crystal Gems to surrender won’t work. Not only would she be trampling on their hopes and dreams—hopes and dreams _she_ gave them!—but their trust would be lost. Her only support, her only outlet in this cruel, beautiful life, lost.

But wasn’t she being selfish all the same? She _started_ this. She dragged everyone into this. She had to assure they would make it out unharmed, as many as she could. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt them, but that was all she was able to do right now.

“If only I could change myself...” Pink murmured. “Not just rotating my gem, not just changing my shape, but altering my gemstone _entirely_.

“...Who am I kidding? That’s impossi—”

Her eyes drifted upward, towards the dusty red planet dubbed Mars. Mars, a barren wasteland Yellow had dismissed. A planet, Blue had suggested, that may house a few resources, but not nearly enough for proper colonization.

Hold on… Resources. Already barren of life. Injector…

“Maybe,” Pink mused, “maybe I can change _myself_.”

* * *

“My Diamond, I’ve return—” Pearl gasped audibly at the sight of the Control Room. “My Diamond?! Rose?! Are you alright, what happened here?”

Pink looked up from her position on the floor, several screens full of scribbles and diagrams surrounding her. Flinching, Pink sheepishly replied, “I uh, t-technical difficulties… heh…”

Pearl gestured wildly at the caved in control panel. “I-I would think so, yes! What happened? Why is it caved in like that?!”

Pink tensed her shoulders, looking away. Pearl didn’t know how common a sight this was, once upon a time. Pink was glad, too, but now, with how things are going…

Pearl approached Pink slowly, her delicate feet barely making a sound on the metallic floor. Reaching out, Pink took one of Pearl’s hands into her own, trying not to notice the difference in size, especially when compared to Rose’s hand (she can’t be Rose ever again, it was not meant to be). Intertwining their fingers, Pink’s expression softened as she saw Pearl relax.

“What happened?” Pearl asked. “What did White say?”

Sighing, Pink broke eye contact again. “White… is very displeased with me, Pearl.” Pearl’s eyes widened in shock, her grasp tightening on Pink’s.

“No,” Pearl gasped. “Nonono she doesn’t _know_ , does she?”

Pink shook her head. “She doesn’t… she thinks I’m just playing a game.” 

Of course White would think that. White always looked down at Pink, literally and figuratively.

“But Pearl, we are running out of time. If this war continues to drag out, something terrible might happen.”

Pink regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Pearl’s expression changed from worry to horror before the smaller Gem blurted out, “W-What can we do? Blue and Yellow Diamond are already sending more reinforcements! We can’t possibly hold off three armies at once! Even if we somehow had the _entirety_ of your court!”

Pink nodded solemnly. “I know, Pearl, I know. We need to make a decision, and we need to make it _now_.” 

Pausing, Pink looked up at the starry abyss, towards the red barren planet. Pearl always had such wonderful ideas… Maybe… Maybe Pearl might know what to do?

“My Pearl.” That got Pearl’s complete attention, and she followed her Diamond’s gaze upward. “Can you imagine something for me? Can you imagine what would happen if I stopped the rebellion?”

“Wh-wh-what?!” Pearl squeaked. Again, Pink immediately regretted her words. “St-st-stopping the rebellion?! But why?!”

“What else can we do?” Pink asked, finally meeting Pearl’s gaze again. “They have us cornered, you said it yourself. We can’t possibly take on three armies at once. Too many lives would be lost, and we will be defeated. I could lose _you_ , Pearl.”

Pearl gawked before casting her gaze downward. “I…I don’t know. It feels so… so hopeless right now.”

Pink pressed her lips, before pulling her lover into an embrace. She was being cruel again, she expected her Pearl to conjure up a solution out of thin air, like she always did. Pearl—her brilliance, her wonderful self—was truly the mastermind behind this rebellion. She was the rebellion’s true leader, defying Homeworld’s sacred chaste system, daring to be more than whatever was expected of her. Her beautiful, _dazzling_ Pearl.

Looking back up at Mars, Pink felt something click into place. Pearl has been through enough. She has fought so hard, but these memories, these ideas Pink had placed into Pearl’s head, would only lead to her _losing_ Pearl.

Pearl did not deserve to be plagued with the knowledge of how truly wrenched her Diamond _really_ was.

* * *

Pink gripped the modified Rejuvenator tightly in her hands, trying desperately to control her strength. This instrument—this weapon—carried a form of destruction Pink never desired to wield but—

_ But _ .

Worse fates would await them if she didn’t. On this day, she must play the role of the tyrannical Diamond to spare everyone. She must do this. For Garnet. For Bismuth.

For _Pearl_.

Pink gave them no prior warning, no courtesy of her arrival. The pink hexagon plates bashed through the base’s walls with ease, and Pink stepped through the gaping cavity, standing tall, the activated Rejuvenator in one hand.

SWISH!

One swipe of her arm, gems poofed.

She didn’t register the expressions on their faces, didn’t hear the voices of her friends as they cried out in shock and horror. 

She focused, focused on the _now_ , the moment, the action.

SLASH!

More gems poofed, but she didn’t stop. She kept swinging feverishly, barely holding back tears, until the base was silent, filled with the rubble of her former life, littered with gemstones.

Pink quivered, her shoulders heaving, the weapon suddenly heavy in her hands. She turned, surveying the damage she had wrought, pleading that none of the gemstones had been damaged in her rampage.

Unable to bear it any longer, the Rejuvenator fell from her hands, and desperately she scrambled into the debris, reaching, hoping, praying. Her fingers brushed against a gemstone, and she grasped it, carefully, delicately, holding it up to her face.

A droplet of water landed on its smooth, ivory surface, flawless and pristine. 

Pink choked, her face crunching into despair, more tears sliding down her face.

Traitor. Backstabber. Liar. _Coward_.

Pink was nothing like what Pearl claimed Rose was. Pink was _nothing_ like Rose.

Pink was a _Diamond_. She was _Pink Diamond_.

Hugging Pearl’s gem tightly to her chest, Pink couldn’t contain the wail of remorse that ripped through her throat. Why did Pearl have to share her love, her pure, untainted love, for such a wretched creature like Pink? Why must Pink be cursed to harm—destroy—everything she cared for?

Why? Whywhywhywhywhywhy _WHY_?!

Pink didn’t know how long she had been kneeling there, cradling Pearl’s gem, nor did she care. She didn’t even know when she finally stood up, gathering each gemstone carefully, checking each with a careful, tear-filled eye before bubbling them. She barely registered what she was doing anymore.

Once she was finished, however, she finally took in the destruction she caused. This was the power of a Diamond. This was _her_ power.

There was no ignoring that truth.

Grimly, she strode towards the fallen Rejuvenator, grasping it in both hands. With a jerk of her arms, it snapped cleanly in two, before letting the parts fall loosely out of her hands. And just like that, the rebellion was over.

It is done.

Pink Diamond had won out, and Rose Quartz’s legacy—everything she fought for—laid in ruins behind the Diamond.

There was no turning back now.


	4. Make a Change

_I'm just being me_

_Cut out the things that I don't need_

_And I don't care if you disagree_

_I DON'T NEED NO SYMPATHY!_

_\- “Monster” by KIRA_

* * *

Pink placed Pearl’s gemstone delicately on the plush pillow before sitting down besides it, eyes focused only on her lover—former lover, she chastised herself—hoping that her plan worked. The Rejuvinator’s modifications had all been hasty, rushed and last-minute. Pink knew she should have planned it longer, taken more time to test the results but she was afraid.

She feared she would lose her nerve, lose any ounce of willpower she has mustered earlier and done what needed to be done. It’s over now, everyone’s safe. _Will continue_ to be safe, as long as Pink could help it.

It felt like an eternity before Pearl reformed, and Pink’s eyes never left the Gem’s glowing form until she delicately stood in front of the Diamond. Pearl had a mildly confused look on her, her blue eyes narrowed slightly before widening. “Oh my stars!” Pearl exclaimed, “My Diamond, what happened? Was my form destroyed?”

Pink couldn’t help herself. She flung her arms around Pearl’s small frame, pulling her close. “Thank the Stars… Pearl, Pearl you remember me..!” She could feel Pearl squirm a bit in her arms, so she, albeit reluctantly, pulled away, laughing slightly at Pearl’s confused expression.

“My Diamond, why are you crying?!” Pearl blurted out. “Did I upset you? I am _so_ sorry, it will never happen again—"

Pink didn’t even realize she was crying until she touched her face. Chuckling, she shook her head. “No, my Pearl, it’s fine. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Pearl gawked at the wording, a tint of blue rising on her cheeks. “M-m-m-m-m-m-my P-p-p—My Diamond, you can’t say things like that!”

Pink laughed again. She felt so light suddenly, as if all her fears were lifted. “It’s okay, Pearl. It’s going to be okay. From now on, I promise.”

* * *

She was hesitant to encounter Bismuth, but Pink knew it was unavoidable. With each rejuvenated Gem reforming, she knew holding Bismuth for last was just an excuse. Time and time again, each Gem reformed only remembered up until the Rebellion. Every concept linked to it was wiped clean from their memories, not even Pearl remembered her Renegade days.

As much as it pained Pink to see her former lover being so docile and poise, she kept reminding herself that it was for the best. Right now, those memories would only cause more pain. Perhaps in another time, when things are safe—

“My Diamond, your court is ready.” Pink jumped slightly when Pearl spoke, after which she nodded to Pearl.

“Thank you, m- Pearl.” Parting the curtains of her palanquin, Pink braced herself emotionally for what she was about to see.

Gems. Dozens upon dozens of them, all looking up at her as if she were the most wonderful thing they’ve ever gazed upon. She tried not to be revolted by the thought. She would hardly qualify as their leader, at least not in her current state.

 _‘But that was going to change soon’_ , Pink reminded herself. She didn’t stop the Rebellion, rejuvenate her friends, all only to return to the status quo. No, now was the time to put her real plan into motion.

Taking in a shaky breath, Pink addressed the gathered crowd, doing her best to never stare a single gem straight in the eyes. She couldn’t waver, not now. She has come so far.

“Everyone, thank you for taking time to answer my call. I know these past rotations have not been easy. With the Rebellion quelled, however, this is the beginning of a new Era.”

She made the mistake of glancing at the crowd. Adoring faces, hanging on every word she said. She suddenly felt cold. Her body tensed.

She was alone.

She was all alone. These were no longer her friends, but her _subjects_.

 **STOP**! _Stop_ thinking about the past! Do _not_ lose heart, or all will be for _nothing_.

Focus. Focus on the future. On _their_ futures.

Pink forced herself to relax and continue on with her pre-planned speech. Words that had been carefully chosen for conveying her thoughts to everyone in front of her, daring to believe that maybe, just _maybe_ , she could reach them like _Rose_ had.

...Maybe.

* * *

Pink glanced down at the rainbow-colored Gem that stood at attention in front of her. Her entire body was screaming, _pleading_ with her to apologize, to hug her friend, to do _something_.

Bismuth didn’t seem to notice the internal conflict running through Pink’s gem, and it was perhaps for the best. Pink just counted herself lucky that her tinkering with the Rejuvenator worked as she had hoped. Bismuth looked _exactly_ as she did the day Rose met her. The day both swore they would always remember, when Rose asked that simple question;

_“What do you want to do?”_

Pink hoped to ask this question _again_ to her dear friend, _eventually_. But for now, she needed Bismuth’s help. Only Bismuth’s ingenuity can help Pink’s plan work.

“Bismuth,” the Diamond gently called, “I’ve been told you are quite talented, not just in building structures, but also forging weapons?”

Bismuth gawked up at the Diamond. “I-Oh, uh, yeah, I suppose? I think I was a blacksmith for the Crystal Gems, back then…”

Pink nodded. Admittedly, she had been wrestling with telling the Court the truth about their missing memories. But, ultimately, Pink felt it was necessary for everyone’s survival. The Gems who were Rejuvenated were no longer a threat, but Pink would rather be cracked than let them be bubbled or shattered for their insubordination. Thankfully, Pink’s speech earlier had swayed her Court into accepting her decision, to welcome back everyone who has rebelled as a show of “mercy.”

In fact, such a move had caused a surge in morale for the Gems. They spoke of their “merciful Diamond”, how “charitable and generous” Pink was to _allow_ defectors to return with open arms. And as much as Pink knew that was far from the truth, it played to her advance, letting her get closer to her goal.

She mentally apologized to Bismuth before continuing, “I wish to use your ingenuity for a special project I have set aside. However, if you agree to this, you must swear you will not speak of this meeting, or the project itself, to anyone, understood? So, can I rely on your brilliance to make my dream a reality?”

Pink held out her hand. Bismuth looked up at her, Pink’s outstretched hand, and then her own. Her glance switched between the three targets before, finally, Bismuth nodded and took Pink’s hand. “Uh, happy to help, my Diamond.”

Pink smiled warmly in return. “Thank you, Bismuth. Truly, _thank_ you.”

* * *

“Pink is late.”

Blue glanced over at Yellow, noting how irritable she looked. “I’m sure she is quite busy,” Blue reasoned. “I mean, she had managed to cease the uprising in a single cycle—”

“Not a single traitor shattered!” Yellow slammed her hand on the armrest of her throne. “What was Pink _thinking_? We learned long before this drivel that _rejuvenating_ Gems is a _wasted_ effort. Once a defective Gem, _always_ a defective Gem!”

“Yellow,” Blue retorted. “ _Please_ , we are here to _congratulate_ Pink on her success, not to criticize her actions. It is over, can’t we just let it _be_?”

Yellow scoffed, crossing her arms. White chuckled, cupping her chin. “My, my, Yellow. You must relax. This is an improvement from before. You must not expect her to discard all her silly little habits in a single cycle.”

Blue sighed, shaking her head. She had heard that White spoke personally with Pink about the uprising on her colony. She wondered what White had said that caused Pink to finally stop making excuses and take matters seriously. Either way, she was grateful that the larger Diamond talked some sense into the smallest Diamond.

Looking towards the curtained entrance, Blue began to wonder what was keeping Pink. Perhaps not everything was going as smoothly as she thought? Blue made a mental note to visit Pink’s colony to see how things were going herself. The last thing she wanted was for Pink’s first colony to end in disaster and ward the youngest Diamond from ever trying again.

Movement caught her eye, as she noticed a Pearl, Pink’s Pearl, slipping through the curtains. Standing at attention, Pink’s Pearl bowed to the three seated Diamonds. “My Diamond offers her sincerest apologies for making you wait. She has arrived.”

Yellow rolled her eyes. “It’s about time,” she grumbled, ignoring the glare Blue shot her. 

White smiled and clapped her hands. “That will be all, Pearl.” Pink’s Pearl bowed again before joining the other Diamonds’ Pearls.

Blue sighed again. “Please, behave yourself. For me, at least,” she begged Yellow softly. Yellow merely grunted, but before Blue could add more, she heard something… familiar.

The familiar echoing thump of a Diamond’s footfalls, and then a tall silhouette appeared behind the curtain. 

Blue didn’t even realize she was leaning forward, until a hand parted the curtain, and Blue found herself falling back into her throne in shock.

Pink.

It was Pink. Only she wasn’t the silly little Diamond Blue knew. Gone were the frilly lace and large, puffy sleeves. Gone was the short curly hair, the energetic skip, and the smiling, glowing face of the youngest Diamond.

No, the Diamond who entered the throne room was entirely different. She was tall, as tall as Yellow and Blue perhaps, with a flowing plum cloak draping over bare shoulders. Her hair, now long and curling like ribbons, coiling around her shoulders.

But the most shocking change was Pink’s expression. It was stoic, stony and cold. Eyes that were hard, intense, burning. Blue couldn’t stop the shiver that rippled through her body.

_‘What… had happened to Pink? This couldn’t be… this couldn’t be Pink…’_

“Pink!” Yellow shouted, standing up. “Wha—what is the meaning of this? Is this some game you’re playing?!”

Pink turned her gaze towards Yellow, arching an eyebrow. “I apologized for my tardiness. There is still much to be done on Earth now that the Rebellion is over.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Yellow spat. Jabbing a finger towards the youngest—formerly smallest—Diamond, she bellowed on, “What is with this ridiculous form you’ve taken? This is not how you—”

“I merely followed your advice, dear Yellow.” Pink moved her cloak slightly, revealing her gemstone. It was larger than before, Blue realized. But how was that even possible? “I stopped with the little games and took matters seriously. That is what you wanted, no? You wanted me to be a _proper_ Diamond.”

Yellow spluttered, “B-b-but… your gem—how is that even—Pink, what did you _do_?!”

Pink’s expression changed, smirking darkly at the older Diamond. “Well, Yellow, I took everything you taught me to heart. Aren’t you happy? I thought you would be, considering how much emphasis you placed on my behavior.”

“That isn’t the—”

“ _Enough_ , Yellow.”

All eyes focused on the largest Diamond. Smiling, White tilted her head slightly to the side. “My, my, Starlight, look at you. I must say, I am rather impressed by your change in attitude. But, I must agree with Yellow in one thing. This change of yours is _completely_ unprecedented.”

“If you’ll pardon my bluntness, _White_ , I merely had a change in perspective after our… little chat.” 

Blue instinctively winced, slightly concerned at the sudden dark look Pink gave White. 

White, however, either didn’t notice or care, because she responded with an airy laugh and nod.

“I am _so_ relieved you finally came to reason!” White cooed. “Well, then, why don’t you have a seat with us so we can ta—”

“Surely you jest?” Pink retorted, now shifting her gaze downward. Blue followed her eye movement towards the small—too small now—pink throne. “I think I will pass. I still have much to do, and this chit-chat has occupied _enough_ of my time.”

Blue gasped. She couldn’t help it; no one had ever refused White so blatantly.

Well, no one who lived to tell the tale, at least.

White’s expression darkened, an edge appearing in her tone. “Oh? Are you saying you are far too busy to chat with your fellow Diamonds?”

Pink, to her credit, didn’t react to White’s clear shift. “I am saying that, now with the Rebellion quelled, there is much to do in order to get my colony back on track. Now, if you will pardon me... Pearl? We are leaving.” With those words and flip of her cloak, Pink turned around and exited the ballroom, her Pearl following behind, her footfalls echoing.

Blue had no idea she was gripping the armrests tightly until she heard a slight crunch. Flinching, she looked down to see a part was cracked slightly. Sheepishly, she glanced at White, shoulders tense, preparing herself for the worst.

But, nothing happened. Nothing drastic, at least. White merely smiled devilishly, chuckling. “Well, well, things have _certainly_ become much more interesting. Wouldn’t you two say?”

Yellow gaped. “But White, what—” She was cut off with a wave of White’s hand.

“Pink’s sudden change in appearance is unusual, but it’s not a mere altering of form.” White’s grin widened. “Why, I would wager that she did something to her _gem_. What exactly, I don’t know. Still, I cannot help but welcome this change.”

Without waiting for a response, White stood. “Now then, everyone, go back to work. We have much to do, with Pink’s colony finally getting back on track. Chop chop, you two!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna know what Pink looked like, check this out;  
> https://tytoarts.tumblr.com/post/614675825269309440/commission-for-msbeastlyeevee-of-her-anathema-au
> 
> :3c
> 
> Image done by the lovely Tyto on Tumblr; https://tytoarts.tumblr.com/post/615928146100977664/bit-of-fanart-for-chapter-4-of-msbeastlyeevees


	5. A Mistake

_My fingers on the ledge,_

_Slipping with every threat,_

_I won’t succumb to this_

_So let me go, let me go_

_\- “Say Goodbye” by Krewella_

* * *

One step at a time. Just focus on one step at a time. _‘You’ll be fine. Just get to the ship. You’ll be fine. You’ll be fine—’_

“Welcome back, My Diamond. Did the meeting go well?” Pink almost let out a small shriek of surprise as Pearl, ever diligent, stood at attendance, smiling up at her. 

Her Pearl, her foundation, her pillar of stability—no, that wasn’t the case. Not anymore.

Pink let out a sigh and slumped into the Diamond-sized chair. “Yes, Pearl… Set a course back to Earth. I need to rest.” 

She squirmed a bit in her seat as she thought over the meeting, she couldn’t even get her body to relax, no matter how much she reminded herself it was over and _done_ with.

The Diamonds saw her. Saw what she had become. The silent declaration of resistance has been made. She would no longer allow herself to be pushed around and forced to submit to the other Diamonds’ will.

She was strong now. She was _powerful_ , like _they_ were.

Now, she was their equal.

“Of course, my Diamond. Is... your new form bothering you still?”

Pink shook her head. “No, it’s not that. I just…” She spared a glance at Pearl, noting the slightly worried look on her face. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

Pearl bowed slightly. “Alright, my Diamond. Our course is set. ...Why don’t you rest in the meantime, my Diamond, then we can get properly settled once back on the Moon Base.”

Pink let out a soft laugh, leaning further back into her chair. “Thank you, Pearl. You’re too kind.” She missed the slight blue blush that appeared on Pearl’s cheeks.

* * *

Upon arriving at the Moon Base, Pink felt even worse than before. It was like her limbs were being weighed down by some unseen force, and her gemstone wouldn’t stop sending flashes of heat coursing through her body.

Perhaps everyone had been right. Perhaps she had rushed herself in answering the Diamonds’ summons. She could have asked Pearl to postpone it yet agai—

 _‘No. Stop. I did what I had to do. And it worked. Or at least it seemed to. The Diamonds saw me. That’s_ all _that mattered. I’ll deal with the aftermath in time.’_

“He-ey there... so, how’d it go?”

Pink looked down, seeing the rainbow Gem grinning and waving up at her. She couldn’t resist the laugh that slipped past her lips. “Fine, Bismuth. Is the room ready?”

Bismuth nodded. “Sure is. I fit it with the latest that tech can offer. Although, I’ve never heard of a Diamond-proof room before,” she finished with her hand cupping her chin, and looking thoughtful.

“That’s fine,” Pink replied, waving her hand. “Thank you, Bismuth. Pearl, while I’m resting, why don’t you take some time for yourself for a bit?”

Pearl pausing, turning to look up the larger Diamond, gawking. “B-but, My Diamond, what if you need m—”

Pink cut her off. “I’ll call if I need something, Pearl. But please, go relax for a bit. You deserve it.” She didn’t want to continue troubling her former any more than was absolutely necessary.

Pearl shifted uncomfortably, fidgeting with her hands before making the Diamond salute. “Y-y-yes, of course, My Diamond. Thank you.”

Pink tried not to sigh or wince upon seeing the gesture. Her time as Rose made her absolutely loathe the salute, but—

 _But_ , she had to keep reminding herself. She had to focus. Had to secure Earth’s safety and her court’s well being. One step at a time. The biggest hurdle was out of the way. _Now_ , she could begin devising her next steps. She had bought herself time. That’s _all_ that matters right now.

Stepping into the chamber especially made for her, Pink silently noted to praise Bismuth for her spectacular work. She knew requesting Bismuth for this project was a good idea, and she was proven right yet again.

“They’re all too good to me,” she mused to herself as she unceremoniously flopped onto the large cushion set in the middle of the large room. The glassy windows above showed her the wide expanse of space, the Earth, and faraway suns scattered across the black backdrop.

Eyes wandering, she scanned the void of space, gaze slowly drifting before catching a glance of a red planet, a massive crater on its surface.

A rush of heat hit her suddenly, and Pink gasped, clenching her gemstone. Images flooded her visions. Darkness. Heat. Nothing. _Pressure_. It _hurt_. _It hurt, it hurt, ithurtithurtithurt—_

**_SMASH!_ **

Pink gasped air, breathing deeply in and out, essence dripping down her forehead. 

A small crater was left where she had smashed her head into, and she swore under her breath at the damage. She’d hoped the attacks would fade in time, but now she wasn’t so sure.

Maybe… _maybe_ she should heed Pearl’s pleas and rest for longer. Sighing, she rolled back on the cushion and closed her eyes, not daring to see up, to catch the sight of her _failure_.

No, don’t think about it. Rest. Just… _rest_.

* * *

~Several cycles ago~

Pink checked the diagram once more, biting her lower lip. She knew it was pointless checking it again, considering how many times she’d already done that, but _so_ much was riding on this _actually_ working.

“My Diamond, preparations are finished.”

Jerking up in surprise, Pink looked over her shoulder to see Bismuth and Pearl, standing at attention. “Oh,” was all Pink could manage to say before closing the document. “Right. Is everyone ready?”

“Yes, My Diamond,” Pearl replied, forcing eagerness into her voice. Pink surveyed Pearl carefully before striding over to her, kneeling down in front of her Pearl.

Placing hands on Pearl’s slender shoulders, Pink looked Pearl directly in the eyes as she spoke. “Pearl, if something’s bothering you, please, will you tell me?”

Pearl looked away, her expression that of shame. “I-I… with all due respect, My Diamond… i-is this really necessary? I mean…”

 _‘Oh Pearl’_ , Pink thought fondly. _‘Even after everything that had happened, Pearl still looks out for me. What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful friend…’_

“Bismuth, would you mind giving us a moment of privacy, please?” Bismuth nodded in understanding, saluting before exiting the Control Room. Pink watched her leave before turning her attention back to Pearl, who was watching the Diamond with confusion.

Sighing softly, Pink resisted the urge to kiss her darling Pearl, _anything_ to ease her worries. She always worried too much. 

“My Pearl,” Pink decided to refer to her as that this one time, “ _please_ understand. The others won’t listen to me in my current state. I know it’s ridiculous to suggest such a thing but—”

 _‘I’m defective’_ , Pink wanted to say, but she held her tongue, deciding against it.

“—But due to my status, with this being my first colony, they won’t listen to me. I need them to see me as an equal. That’s why this is so important.”

Pearl blushed slightly before shaking her head. “I… I know, My Diamond. I know. I’m just—I worry about you. With the rebellion over, you really should—”

“I can’t afford to _rest_ now, Pearl.” Pink was stern in her voice. She had to make Pearl understand. “I know I’m being selfish asking you not to worry, but Pearl, please, _please_ understand. I _need_ to do this.”

Pearl looked doubtful, but, perhaps reluctantly, she nodded. “Alright, My Diamond. Let me escort you to the preparation dock.”

* * *

Bismuth made one final adjustment before turning to Pink. “It’s ready to go, but… I know I really have no place is saying this—”

“Bismuth,” Pink interjected, “please, your thoughts are welcome. Be honest with me if you have any concerns.”

Bismuth tensed a bit before speaking, “Uh, well… destroying your physical form, it just feels so… so _wrong_! Even if you’re _telling_ me it’s okay, you’re a _Diamond_! Diamonds don’t get poofed!”

Pink laughed slightly, shaking her head. “Diamonds’ forms are made of hardlight, just like any other Gem. We’re just… more resilient, that’s all.”

Bismuth looked confused and doubtful, but she nodded all the same. “If you say so, My Diamond… Just… just give me the signal when you’re ready.”

Pink nodded, getting into place. Bracing herself, she took one final deep breath before hollering, “Do it, Bismuth!”

Her last physical sensation was a sharp pain before darkness consumed. And, before becoming completely lost to the void, she prayed, prayed that when she awoke next… things will be better.

She will be better.

* * *

> exec -l 68SZ -d 5K.SU --incb=1R --ifsub="[M;A-6+DE[P>100]];P=1" --iphyssub="D-PD@S-78;P=2"

COMMENCING INJECTION PHASE 1, PLEASE STAND BY.

INJECTING FLUID: MIX OF: ATOMIC-6 AND DIAMOND ESSENCE (100% P).

INJECTING… SUCCESSFUL.

INJECTION PHASE 1 COMPLETE.

COMMENCING INJECTION PHASE 2.

_[WARNING, PHYSICAL INJECTION IN PROGRESS, DO NOT ABORT WITHOUT PROPER SECURITY PROTOCOLS.]_

INJECTING… SUCCESSFUL.

PHYSICAL SUBJECT [D-PD] SUCCESSFULLY INJECTED AT DEPTH 5000 STANDARD UNITS.

INJECTION PHASE 2 COMPLETE.

COMMENCING [1 ROTATION] INCUBATION PHASE, PLEASE STAND BY.

INCUBATING...

* * *

Pink didn’t remember her first emergence. To her knowledge, at first she... wasn’t, and then… she just simply _was_. She _existed_. That was how it felt.

 _This_ , however, _this_ was different. She still existed. She was still aware.

Although she had no form, no body to experience external stimulus, she knew she was embedded deep into the crust of Mars’ red surface. She knew her gemstone was being compressed, minerals forming around her, feeding into the stone.

But… _stars_ , it _hurt_. It hurt _so much_. It felt like she was being crushed by Blue’s aura, or being locked in the _wrenched_ tower again. It wasn’t so much the physical pain as the mental pain, crushing her, _oppressing_ her, keeping her in place.

She just has to deal with this pain until the incubation period ends. She just has to hold on until then.

Think of the tower. Wait for Blue. Blue always comes to let her out eventually. That’s it. She just has to wait.

It hurt.

She had to _wait_.

It hurts so much.

Just keep waiting.

It’s too much.

She can’t leave.

She has to escape.

She can’t.

She has to.

It _hurts_.

Stop it. _Stop it._

It hurts _so much_.

_I can’t handle it anymore!_

* * *

Pearl paced frantically back and forth, constantly checking the various computer monitors, active diagrams and charts changing as more data was being collected. Bismuth glanced over at her before finally speaking;

“She’s probably fine, Pearl. She said so herself.”

Pearl didn’t halt her pacing as she retorted, “I _know_ that! But this is _completely_ unheard of! A Diamond being injected into a planet’s crust! I don’t think it’s _ever_ been witnessed, the Diamonds are _timeless_!”

Bismuth shrugged. “I heard they emerged like any other gem, but you know how rumors go.”

Pearl’s pacing quickened. “Oh, ooooh oh dear. What was I thinking, agreeing to this? She asked me several times if I had any issue with this plan—I have many issues! But she’s a Diamond; I have no place in rejecting her desires. Oooooh, my gem must be faulty…”

Bismuth sighed, shaking her head. “Ya know, Pearl, you can stand to take a break every once and awhile. Pink Diamond’s not going anywhere, and we got a team monitoring her constantly.”

Pearl finally stopped, frantically pulling her hair. “I AM HER PEARL! I HAVE TO BE BY HER SIDE AT ALL TIMES!”

Bismuth flinched slightly. Delicately, she reached a hand out, touching Pearl’s head gently. “Hey, hey, easy there. We just got to wait for a bit; everything’s gonna be fine, Pearl. Just you wait and see—”

“ATTENTION, ALL PERSONNEL! ATTENTION, ALL PERSONNEL! EMERGENCE IS OCCURING. I REPEAT, EMERGENCE IS OCCURING.”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!” Pearl shrieked, gripping Bismuth’s shoulders and shaking them. “That’s too early! We’re too early! Pink Diamond said it would take at least an entire rotation before she would emerge!”

Bismuth narrowed her eyes, glancing at the screen. “Something’s happening…” she murmured, more to herself than to Pearl. Pearl yelped as Bismuth removed Pearl’s hands and rushed over to the computer.

“Crack it,” Bismuth murmured. “One of those upper crust morons must’ve made a miscalculation.” Slamming the microphone button, she hollered into the speaker, “I WANT EVERY GEM TO GET THEIR FRACKING BUTTS INTO THE CONTROL ROOM THIS INSTANT. PREPARE RETRIEVAL. GET GEMS ON THIS RIGHT NOW!”

“Oh dear, oh no, oh dear,” Pearl squawked, pacing back and forth even more than before. “Something went wrong; I _knew_ this was a bad idea. Oh, My Diamond, please be okay. I failed, oh _stars_ , I failed in my duties!”

“Pearl, calm down!” Bismuth barked. “Pull yourself together! We got to see what’s going on!”

“R-right! Of course!” With that, the two dashed towards the control room.

* * *

Form. She needs to form.

Too much. It was _too much_.

_FORM, FRACK IT!_

In an instant, Pink was flooded with senses. Voices, surrounding her, drowning each other out. Sensation, stars, everything ached! Vision… vision clearing slowly.

Pink stumbled forward, reaching for something to grab. Feeling something, she gripped it, steading herself. Vision still distorted, she blinked rapidly, willing herself to see, see anything—

Her court. Her court surrounding her, all looking at her with concern in their faces.

_‘Stars, what happened?’_

“What—” Pink cleared her throat. “What happened? Someone tell me what happened.”

Cautiously, a group of Peridots approached her, all shifting uncomfortably. Suddenly, one was pushed forward, stumbling up to the Diamond. Fidgeting with her hands, the Peridot murmured something that Pink couldn’t hear.

Straightening up, Pink took a step forward. “What? I couldn’t hear you, can you—”

“The p-process…. failed, My Diamond!” The peridot finished, jumping into a salute while shaking and making herself small out of shame.

Every single Gem in the room stiffened, standing at attention, waiting. A few had tears stream down their cheeks, others sweating profusely. All silent. All waiting.

Pink stared blankly, trying to grasp what was just told to her

_Didn’t work? It… it should have—_

_They were so careful in their calculations. What…_

_Why? Why did it..?_

Stiffly, she looked up, up at the red planet she had been using.

A massive crater in its surface that wasn’t there before. But… that didn’t make sense.

“Why?” Pink couldn’t stop shaking. “Why didn’t it work?”

“M-m-m-m-my Diamond,” the Peridot from before squeaked. “W-we are r-r-r-r-running our-our assess-m-m-ment on wh-why the pro-pro-process f-f-f-failed, your Radiance…”

Failed…?

_Failed?_

It… failed?

Pink looked down at her shaking hands. Nothing.

 _Nothing_ changed.

She was still the same.

Still the same silly, little _defective_ Diamond as before.

It was all for _nothing_!

Her gemstone began to burn, and her arms stiffly went down to her sides. “Don’t follow me,” was all she snapped as she marched robotically to the warp pad. In a flash, she was elsewhere, not on the Moon Base anymore, but on Earth.

Inside the Beta Kindergarten.

She couldn’t hold it back anymore. Screaming, _howling_ in rage, her fist slammed into the weak wall, crumbling instantly. Fury flooded her vision, distorting it, shading everything crimson.

Instant static overwhelmed her hearing, and yet still she swung wildly, fists and kicks flying. Anything inanimate, she struck. She broke. She _destroyed_.

Foolish, _foolish_ , **_FOOLISH!_**

She was _such_ a _clod_!

How _dare_ she even fancy a chance that she could _change_?!

She was _still_ the same; she would _always_ be the same.

Defective. Lackluster. _Insignificant_.

 ** _Worthless_**.

Why even _try_? She shouldn’t have just gone through with her original plan. She should have just _stayed_ as Rose—

At least _as Rose_ she never felt like a _failure_. She was _something_ , she _meant_ something to _others_.

She couldn’t forget the looks on everyone’s faces as they had to deliver the news to her.

They _feared_ her. She was _frightening_.

It was all for _nothing_. All the pain she caused. _Worthless_.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, nor did she care. She felt numb, _was_ numb, to everything around her. She hardly noticed the tears flowing down her face, nor the slight breeze that passed her.

It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her face that she finally registered something. Her friends.

Bismuth and Pearl glanced at each other with concern before looking back at their Diamond. Hesitantly, Bismuth leaned forward a bit, sheepishly smiling. “Hey… how are you feeling?”

Pink would have laughed, had she felt anything out than misery. “Terrible,” she admitted honestly. “Why didn’t it work, Bismuth? Did I do something wrong?”

Bismuth held up her hands, shaking her head rapidly. “Wha-what? Nonono, there was a miscalculation—the planet, Mars, it wasn’t hot enough to—”

“What?” A spark, of hope, of another chance, of something worthwhile. “Not hot enough? Bismuth, what do you—”

“My Diamond, if I may?” Pearl pulled a diagram from her gemstone. “The research team analyzed the pressure underneath the crust and found it to be severely lacking for a gemstone like yours. We would need significantly greater pressure to—”

Pink admittedly zoned out in Pearl’s explanation. _‘So there had been something in the calculations that went wrong. What did Bismuth say? Not hot..? Did that mean that Mars was not hot enough to make the process work?’_

Blinking, Pink interrupted Pearl. “Wait, what about Mars wasn’t hot enough?”

Pearl paused in her explanation. “Oh… the research team stated it didn’t possess enough internal heat—”

Pink stood suddenly. “I need to speak to the research team. Gather them up immediately!”

“Y-Yes, My Diamond!” Pearl saluted.

Hope… Pink dared to allow a spark of hope in her gem. There may be a chance yet…

* * *

“—and that is why, aside from your untimely emergence, the process failed, My Diamond.” The head peridot finished, saluting with confidence while her fellow gems were shivering and muttering along themselves behind her.

Nodding along, Pink skimmed through the notes. “I see. So the… planet core, it didn't contain enough heat, right?”

The head Peridot nodded solemnly. “Yes. Unfortunately, we would need a considerably higher level of temperature to start to apply thermal stress—”

“Then what can be done?”

The head Peridot blinked, “My Diamond?”

“The heat, right? Mars lacks the necessary heat to make this work.” Pink leaned forward slightly, forcing her anxiety down. “So what do we do about that? If Mars isn’t hot enough, can we terraform it so it does or—”

One Peridot murmured something, and quickly the small group began to discuss things quietly amongst themselves. 

The lead Peridot nodded, before turning her attention back to the Diamond. “My team believes there’s nothing we can do to the current planet in the required timeframe to make a difference, however—”

“However…?” Pink repeated, feeling herself slide to the edge of her seat.

The lead Peridot shuffled slightly. “…H-However, if we were to use another, more suitable planet, we could—”

 _“Will suggesting Sol-2 and 3 make due?”_ another Peridot murmured to her colleague. Her colleague jabbed her elbow into her shoulder, shushing her. But Pink overheard, and her eyes widened quickly.

“Sol-2? Did you mean Venus?”

The lead Peridot grinned nervously. “Uh, y-y-yes, My Diamond. While we were—uh, analyzing Mars, we tried to compare it to other planets. Outside of the outer gas planets, the suitable planets with the proper level of heat and pressure is the Earth and Venus—"

“Venus will do.” Pink blurted out the answer, completely disregarding the first option. Looking up through the glass dome of the Control Room, Pink stared out, searching. Behind Earth, there.

A rusty-colored world, her last hope. She just needed to be inserted into the planet’s crust and then—

I̛̳͎T͜ ̺͍͖̠͚͉͜HU͔ͅR̤̖͙T̙S

Pink gasped, clutching her gemstone. She would have to go through that… that _terrible_ process all over again. And with the added heat, there was no telling how bad it would be—

But… but, she had to remind herself.

She _had_ to do this. For Earth. She _had_ to.

She _must_ do this. No matter how much it hurt.

For the Crystal Gems.

* * *

Being poofed was never an issue. That part of the plan was honestly the easiest part, if Pink had to admit. It was the next part that she resented.

But this was the only way.

Formless. No senses. That was a Gem’s existence without a body of light. Yet Pink was also vaguely aware of her surroundings to a mild degree. Well, not really her surroundings but, whether she was above the crust or below…

Heat. It was everywhere. _Stars_ , it burned, much worse than on Mars. Frack—what had she gotten herself into—

No, no don’t think like that. Focus on -b̸̛̳̌͌͊̚̕ũ̸̧͖̲̬̹͔̰͖̖̖̆̄̈́͝ṙ̸̨̛̠̬͌̇̌̔̊ṉ̷̡͈̩̩͈͓͌̍̾͒̚̕ş̴͓̣̙͎̰̝̖̍̃̓͠-something else. It’ll be over eventually.

Imagin-ʇɥƃᴉl-e the tower. Imagine waiting for -sɹɐW-Blue. Imagine—

When Pink fi-ɹǝʍoʇ-rst created Rose, she had merely copied the image projected to her by Pearl. A simple copy and paste.

When Pink had resolved t-Blue-o become Rose, to frighten Gems off -ℜ𝔬𝔰𝔢-of Earth, she had imagined the Gem, her a-ʎpoq-ppearance, the-pǝʌlosǝɹ- way she would appear. Pink had created the dres-ʇsnɹɔ-s from her own gem, with her own thoughts.

Her current form would be pointless to assume-ǝsoɹ- after this. She needed a new shape.

Hands. R **o** se-colored gloves. Change that to… a darker color. Don’t cover her hands. Maybe loop a piece around her middle finger.

Feet. Pink slippers with pom-poms. Get rid of those. Stockings… not covering the front of her feet. She wanted to feel the grass between her toes. Silly. The idea amused her. She wanted to wiggle her toes at the idea.

HURTS IT HURTS ITHURTSITHURTSITH̵͖͙͗̋̒̈̿͌̂̽͒U̶̧̡͔̙̣̺͖̮̦̪̩̦̅̔̊̏R̶̖̦͇͓̙̫̱͑̾̄͋͂̾̿̑̈́̽̔̓̍Ṱ̸̡̡̼̩̱̜̯̲̽͛̚͝Ș̷̛̬̯͙͖̗̮͇̻̤͈̐͒͒̿̃̉̇͛͝I̵̧̧̢̨͎̰̥̯̺̘̠̙͆͋̈́̏͒̈́̈́̒̂̾͘͝͝T̴̖̳̙̜̈́̒̔̈́Ḩ̴̠̮͎̥̲̜͉̮̞̀͒̆U̷̢̲͔͎͈̯̪͈͐̐̐ͅR̷̡̜̮͚̖͎͇͈̟̹̅T̵̨̛͓̹̻̩̜͔͖̘̺͍̻̟͚̍͛̓̔̅͛̐̈́͘͝Ŝ̵͉͉͇̈́

Her mental image distorted, melting. No. No! Keep it steady! Keep it together! Imagine—

Imagine her room. Imagine her pebbles. Imagine their giggles at her appearance!

That top with the puffy sleeves… Childish. Her shoulders will be bare. Chest. Pink wanted to giggle at the thought. Stars knows she’s going to add those to her new form.

Puffy shorts and short skirt. Change that to… a long-ssǝɹp- skirt, flowing. Tights underneath.

P͡AI̶N P̶A̛I͘NP̛A̶I̷NPA҉IN̡ E̕V̴ERYT̵H̵IN͝GHURTS͝ ̧S̵TO͘PN͜E̸ED̡ŢO͜FORM ̕CA̷N̷TFO̴R͜M̵ MUS͞T͟FOR҉M

FOCUS! Imagine something else! She’s almost there!

The garden… No, not the garden. Not the ballroom. Not Yellow’s or Blue’s—

Earth.

Imagine her on the Earth. Imagine the wind running through her hair. Short hair—no, not short hair. Longer, graceful hair that fluttered gently in the breeze, like a ribbon.

Her Pearl’s ribbon. Pearl’s ███. Her █████.

H͠E̛RP̡E͢A̢RL̷THA҉TS̬͎̲̪̘̗͢H̭̪͖͓̺̯E̝͘B҉͕͓̝̩͙̭͝ͅR͍̤̦O̸̰̟̻̱̘̝̳͓̬K̸̢̠͙̳̠̬E̶̙̙̲̖̝̥͟

F̷̨̨̛̛͉̣͚̮̬̪͕̯̓̿̂̽͆̈́͗͋̌̕ͅF͔̟͉͖̜R̗̺͍͚A̜̼̼̟C͍̣͔K̞̙̳̘̹͎F҉̜R̦A҉͍͔͔̖̙C͕̩̣͎͞K̶̯C̞͖͓̗̰̘R̠̙̥̘̱̪A̯͔̮̮̰͇̠C̨̰̝͓̭̹K͔̮̝̺̰̠I̵̞̙̦͖N̻̫̦̘̱G̱̳̗̪͇H̹̙̳̩͜Ư͎̫̥R͍̞͚T̖S͈̜̺̪̪͇Ț̕O̮͚̟̝O̴̘̫̘M̗͔͈̦̻U͈̦̕C̩̮̤H̟̬̮̪͡Ṱ͖͚̲͇ͅO̧͎̤̻̥̰̺͇O͚̫̠ͅͅM̜̩̲̮ͅU̞͈̣̙͎CH̤̖̠̳̹

why are you like this—ƃuᴉʍolɟɹǝʌo—why don’t you like it—ɥɔnɯ ooʇ—why don’t you like it—PINK!

F͞O͠R̡͝M̡

MUST

E͘M̵̡͜E͢R̸͘͡G͢͠Ę͢

**_N̈ͮ̈̈́̅ͬ̽Oͨ̾́̚Wͭ͆̊_ **

* * *

Bismuth gaped, watching the planet’s surface shift and slowly peel open. “Frack,” she called out. “Everyone, get ready! Pink Diamond’s emerging, to your stations!”

The clatter of Gems having their gemstones encased in specialized armor—to help handle Venus’ atmosphere—all scrambling to welcome their Diamond. The ground rippled, cracking and groaning before tearing itself apart. The fissure grew larger and wider, light erupting from within.

Bismuth found herself paralyzed, watching in stunned silence as a form began to emerge, a large form… twice the size of her Diamond. Was that—did it work?

“Bismuth, Bismuth!” Pearl grabbed the Gem’s shoulders and shook them. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?!”

“Yeah, I sure am…” Bismuth rubbed her eyes, knowing for certain that nothing was disrupting her vision, and yet...

And _yet_ she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

A Diamond was emerging.

 _Pink Diamond_ was emerging.

* * *

Surface. She needed to—had to—get to the surface.

She needed to _form_.

She must **_EMERGE_**!

Pink never remembered her first emergence. She just _wasn’t_ , and then she _was_. But, this moment, she wondered if it was a repeat of her first arrival.

Pushing herself out of the crust, she unceremoniously crawled out the depths of Venus’s crust, fingers clawing desperately, pulling, pushing.

Heaving herself up, she eased herself up, onto her hands and knees, gasping, panting. Thick curls framed her face, obscuring everything in her peripheral vision.

It hurts. _Everything_ hurts. Stars, _why_ did it hurt so _much_?

A shaky hand touched her gemstone, feeling each ridge carefully. It was practically throbbing, burning, in her hand but—

Everything felt normal. No cracks. No chips. But did that mean… did that mean it worked?

She tried to get up. Suddenly overcome with a wave of—disruption—she fell down, slamming her shoulder into the dirt with a loud boom. She sucked in through her teeth, trying not to yelp in pain. Everything hurt, her throat hurt, her legs hurt, her arms hurt—

“—mond! My Diamond, please!”

Was… was that Pearl? Her vision was fading, unfocused.

“—ck, she’s huge!”

“Don’t say that—”

“—get her inside quick—”

“Get the—ship—inside! Quick!”


	6. A Brief Encounter

_I can't remember_

_When you hurt me so bad_

_But now the tables turn_

_Apocalypse is coming_

_\- “Angels” by Vicetone_

* * *

Senseless static was all she could hear. Loud buzzing was all she could hear. Her senses were completely distorted. Was this due to just emerging? Did she accidentally poof herself—

Oh  _ stars _ , what was  _ happening _ ? Everything hurt and she couldn’t comprehend what was happening. She tried to move her arm, kick her feet, do anything to regain sensation—

_ Slam! _ Her hand hit something! She could feel its smooth surface against her palm. Finally, something to anchor herself!

Gripping the thing tightly, she pulled herself up towards it, grasping for it with her other hand. Lifting her body up, Pink struggled to brace her shaking legs against the ground, which was difficult enough to regain her balance.

If only she could see… Stars, when would the noise disappear?

Gritting her teeth and tightening her grip on the object, she straightened herself, forcing her legs to brace.

Muffled voices began to pierce through the white noise. She tilted her head, trying to pinpoint the exact direction of the sound. Images began to scatter and glitch in and out of view, still out of focus. Blinking rapidly, Pink focused hard on the voices and broken visuals, willing them to come into focus.

“—guide—to—platfor—”

Her Gems, were they attempting to help her?  _ Stars _ , they were so wonderful, compensating for their  _ so-called _ leader’s  _ folly _ . Here she was, stumbling in the dark without direction, and  _ there  _ they were, hard at work.

She didn’t deserve them.  _ She truly didn’t deserve them. _

No.  _ No _ ,  _ stop it _ . She was not going to waste their efforts on self-pity. Push those  _ ridiculous  _ thoughts aside. Now is not the time to dwell on past failings.

_ Focus _ . Focus on  _ sight _ . Focus on  _ sound _ .

Focus on what  _ matters _ .

Images continued to focus in and out. Straining her senses, Pink continued to make out more phrases. They were trying to move her out of the open and into the research facility. Glancing around, she saw the vague shape in the distance.

Forcing her legs to move, she stumbled and staggered forward. The voices followed her, guiding her towards the facility. Almost there,  _ almost— _

* * *

“My Diamond…?”

Pink slowly opened her eyes, sighing softly to herself as she shifted herself on the massive cushion. Her Pearl was poking her head through the doorway, rather sheepishly.

“Um… my Diamond, Blue Diamond is requesting your presence.”

Pink grunted. “Tell her it’ll have to wait.”

“B-but she’s here, right now. She’s waiting for you in the Control Room.”

Clicking her tongue, Pink reluctantly forced herself up. Wonderful. Just  _ wonderful _ . Blue inviting herself over without even a request or notice. Typical.

“Very well. Thank you, Pearl. You may resume your break. I will call for you once I’m done.”

Pearl shifted a bit. “Uh, b-but My Diamond, as your Pearl, I must—”

Pink held out a hand, offering a genuine smile. “It’s fine, Pearl. You deserve a reward for your services. Now please, rest up. Once I’m done with my meeting, we will start back on the project.”

Pearl looked doubtful, but she nodded reluctantly. “Very well, My Diamond. Do call me if you need anything.”

Pink returned the nod before trekking over to the Control Room. She briefly wondered why Blue had come over—so swiftly even, without even sending a message—but she dismissed those ponders with a shake of her head. Blue did whatever she wanted, because she was a  _ Diamond _ , and Diamonds answered to  _ no one _ .

Well, Pink thought, two can play at this game.

The door slid open, revealing the cluttered Control Room with various screens and diagrams on display. Blue Diamond stood near one of the dome’s glass windows, gazing out in perplexity at Mars and its massive crater.

A burning sensation flooded Pink’s gem, but she forced it down, her body automatically tensing at the sight of Blue. Narrowing her eyes, Pink stood still as Blue turned to face her, her slightly confused expression morphing into one of concern.

“Pink!” Blue exclaimed, crossing the distance between them immediately and placing her hands on Pink’s shoulders. “What happened to you? What did you do to your  _ gem _ ?”

Pink eyed Blue’s hands before jerking away from her grasp. “That’s none of your concern,  _ Blue _ .”

Blue furrowed her brow. “Nonsense, let me see it this instant.” Without waiting for a reply, Blue held Pink in place before bending down slightly, carefully examining Pink’s gemstone.

Eyes widening after a moment, Blue trailed off, “Pink… what are those—”

“I believe White would call them  _ defects _ .” Pink spoke those words through gritted teeth, eyes drilling a hole in the very fabric of space—or, in Pink’s mind, into White’s stupid know-it-all grin.

Blue straightened, cupping Pink’s face. “Pink, that’s not what I—”

Pulling away again, Pink gave a dismissive hand wave. “Iron deposits. They’re merely iron deposits. They should fade in time.” Or at least that’s what her research team had theorized. Even if they would never fade, it didn’t matter to Pink. She got what she needed in the end, and a few impurities had never stopped her before.

“Pink…” Blue reached a hand towards the younger Gem. “Pink, I’m worried about you—”

“ _ Worried _ ?” Pink stopped, her hand resting on the chair. “What!? I thought you said,  _ and I quote _ ; ‘This Rose Quartz can’t hurt you’, and ‘You don’t even have to do anything’. Do  _ not  _ act as if you  _ ever _ cared for my well being! Your prior actions are  _ more  _ than enough evidence to prove that!”

Later, she would come to regret those words and the way they were spoken, but in the heat of the moment, she couldn’t keep back the venom in her tone, nor the fiery anger that was slowly consuming her.

Blue snapped, clutching her fists. “Pink, that’s  _ enough _ ! How could you say that?!”

Pink snorted ruefully. “Oh, I don’t know. I’m merely repeating what you said. Those words do not sound like someone who is concerned with my well-being!”

Blue audibly gasped. “What’s gotten  _ into  _ you? Ever since you received this colony, you’ve changed, Pink!”

Pink glowered back at Blue. “ _ Changed _ ?” she repeated with a slight edge. “I’ve  _ changed _ , dear Blue? You’re right on the fact that I have changed, but you are mistaken on the  _ when _ .” 

Twirling around, Pink gestured towards the blue planet before her. “I didn’t change when I came to Earth! You saw it for yourself! I made excuses, I played “silly little games”! Traits  _ unbecoming  _ of a  _ Diamond _ !”

Looking over her shoulder, eyes burning, she continued, “I did as you expected of me. I tossed aside those trivial matters and became a proper Diamond. So why, pray tell, are you treating this as if this is  _ wrong _ ? Is everything I do  _ wrong  _ to you? Even if I follow your advice or instructions to the letter, I’m still somehow  _ wrong _ ?”

Blue’s eyes began to well up and frantically she shook her head. “N-no! That’s not it, you just—”

“I just  **_what_ ** , Blue?” Pink barked. “I  _ exist _ ? Is  _ that  _ what’s the matter? Perhaps I should have let the Rebellion run its course! You said I had  _ nothing  _ to worry about, yet somehow the Crystal Gems always escaped yours and Yellow’s grasps. I was there  _ every  _ single moment the Rebellion grew, I knew the dangers Rose Quartz posed, and so when I sought help from you, you  _ dismissed  _ me!”

She took two steps forward, and Blue instinctively took one step back, more tears beginning to trail down her cheeks. Pink took no notice, or perhaps her rage blinded her too much to care.

“What would have happened if I let the Rebellion  _ continue _ , Blue? What do you think would happen!? I was afraid, but you made it  _ clear  _ that you did not care for my safety. I could’ve just, say, taken  _ one  _ step out of my palanquin and get shattered by the rebel leader! That could’ve just  _ happened _ , Blue, but you didn’t care—”

“You’re  _ wrong _ !” Blue bellowed, choking back a sob. “We  _ do _ care about you, Pink!  _ I _ care about you, I—” Aqua-tinted aura flooded the room, causing Pink to blink rapidly as tears fell down her cheeks.

Touching her tear-stained cheeks, Pink scowled down at her hand, before clutching it into a fist. Her gemstone burned,  _ burned  _ like it did inside Venus’ crust, and the air around her began to  _ ripple _ , moved by some unseen force. The tears on her cheeks dried up, vaporizing as the heat from her form built up, fueled by the  _ audacity  _ of Blue.

“Don’t you  _ DARE  _ use your powers on me, Blue!” Pink snarled back. A tremor shook the room, startling Blue. In shock, she could only gape as Pink’s normally rose-colored eyes brightened into a scarlet red, pupils narrowing down into almost cross-shaped slits.

Blue took another step back “I… I didn’t…”

The air hung heavy and stiff, with the temperature slowly creeping up with each passing second. Finally, Pink broke the tension by forcing her posture to relax. “ _ Leave _ , Blue.” With that, she turned and approached her desk. “I have work to get back to.”

Blue, to her credit, lifted up her arm, before thinking better. “I—Pink, what- …Very well. I’ll be contacting you soon to see your progress.”

Pink didn’t respond, and she didn’t turn back around until she heard the doors open and close, taking the sound of Blue’s footfalls with her. Once in complete silence, she let out a loud sigh and unceremoniously flopped into the chair, fatigue overtaking her form again.

Pink was irritated and exhausted. A terrible combination, but it couldn’t really be helped. Sighing, she ran a hand through her thick curls. Now wasn’t the time to throw a tantrum. She was better at this now. She was remade, a new Gem that discarded her old trivial way of thinking.

Turning on her console, Pink leaned back against her chair as she scanned through the various notes she had jotted down back when she was focused on the primary re-emergence project.

Pearl was brilliant, she once suggested writing down the various random things that came to mind, since Pink never had a good grasp on keeping thoughts organized, but writing them down allowed her to do so later.

“Let’s see,” Pink mused aloud to herself. “I should probably start with the damage done to the Earth… The Zoo will have to be dismantled. Should be easy enough to bring the ship here and return the humans back… Oh, and then there’s the Rose Quartzes I had to bubble…”

Drawing up a brief diagram of her plan, Pink thought of asking Pearl for help, before dismissing the thought immediately. Pearl deserved rest, especially after all the stress Pink had inflicted on her. No, this was  _ Pink _ ’s mess, and she was going to fix it without any help.

It was the least she could do, after all.


	7. Renegade of Swords, a Pearl’s Story – Intermission 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An intermission that focuses on a former renegade.

Pink Diamond was an enigma.

Pearl learned the moment she came into existence that her Diamond was an odd one, but that didn’t matter to her. As a Pearl, it wasn’t her goal to ponder and wonder about others, odd or not.

Her existence had one purpose.

To serve.

She was gifted to Pink Diamond, to make her happy, yet for some reason, she never could.

By all intents and purposes, Pearl had failed in her mission in being a Pearl. She didn’t deserve to exist anymore, not after her continuous failings—

And worst yet, somehow joining a rebellion a Pearl had  _ no  _ purpose in joining.

Really now, Pearl thought back and wondered why in Homeworld’s sake she thought that was a good idea? Why did she betray her Diamond like the way she did?

And why must her Diamond insist on being so kind on her, when Pearl did nothing to deserve that kindness? Pearl even still remembered the day she reformed, and her Diamond’s merciful behavior…

* * *

**An eon ago…**

“My Diamond, I cannot even begin to express my regret over my actions!”

Pearl’s mouth immediately began to move once her Diamond had explained briefly the rebellion and Pearl’s involvement. To think, a Pearl had the utter  _ foolishness  _ to rebel against her own Diamond! Pearl was just lucky she wasn’t shattered immediately on the spot, but…

That didn’t necessarily mean punishment was out of the question.

“I do not know what came over me, to follow a traitor into battle! I—I should be replaced imm—”

“No!”

Pearl stumbled a bit, the room shaking slightly. Steadying herself quickly, Pearl clasped her hands in front of her. “But My Diamond, I—I betrayed you… Even if I were rejuvenated, I—I’ve shown clear signs of defection, I—”

“Pearl,” Pink Diamond’s voice was soft and gentle as she spoke, “you are not defective.  _ Please _ , never call yourself that.”

“B-b-but—” Pearl tried again, only to have her Diamond hold up a hand.

“Enough. Let’s not speak of this. I just wish to move on.  _ Please. _ ”

Pearl nodded, brow slightly furrowed in concern. Her Diamond must still be in shock from the rebellion and the number of her court siding with the traitor. As much as it pained her to know the pain Pearl’s selfish actions caused her Diamond, she knew she had to make amends for her crimes, even if her Diamond was too kind to issue a punishment deserving of a traitor.

Still… during the quiet moments, Pearl imagined things… Odd,  _ unspeakable  _ things. Her shadow dancing across the walls, blade raised defiantly into the air. Slashing through unseen enemies, standing alone, without orders, without purpose!

Just thinking about it made her frazzled, crumbling whatever good will she had managed to gather up. Between gathering up the former Crystal Gems and informing them of their past crimes and how Pink Diamond was going to pardon everything, a sweeping show of grace for the sake of completing the colony.

No one questioned their lack of memories from the rebellion. Many could recall up to it, right up to before encountering the Rose Quartz rebel leader, but then… nothing. As if everything associated with that had been erased.

But the memories were the only thing erased from the failed rebellion. The distrust and pain caused by the uprising ran deep, and the traitors returned to a less-than-friendly court. Only their Diamond seemed to welcome them with open arms, with seemingly no strings attached.

Or, perhaps there was something going on. Whispers of a secret project involving one of the planetary objects in the solar system. Pearl couldn’t help but wonder what her Diamond was planning.

* * *

A single quiet moment between the Diamond and Pearl was rare, unlike their listless days before the Earth. Pearl found herself briefly if her Diamond missed those days before dismissing those thoughts. Diamonds were perfect, flawless beings. They were above such trivial constructs like bliss and whimsy.

Her Diamond stared out into the void of space, eyes unfocused and aimless. Pearl imagined something must be amiss to see her Diamond in such a state, and yet...

What could a mere Pearl say?

So she waited.

And waited.

Stood still and waited, waiting for her Diamond to say something, do something, anything.

….

Still, there was silence.

Shifting uncomfortably, Pearl opened her mouth, wanting to comfort her Diamond, ask her if Pearl could imagine something—

“I said I wanted to move on from all of this, but I can’t, no matter how much I try.”

Pearl gasped slightly, turning her head up to Pink Diamond.

“You… I-I’m sorry, My Diamond, I don’t—”

“I thought rejuvenating everyone would reverse everything, but I was foolish in thinking that.” Pink Diamond shook her head slowly. “I suppose that’s just how it goes… how it will always go. No matter what I try and do to repair damage done, it never fades away, not completely…”

Pearl looked down, feeling guilt welling up inside her. This was Pearl’s fault, she just knew it. Her traitorous actions have harmed her Diamond irreversibly.

This was all—

“My fault.”

“Wh-wh-what?!” Pearl blurted out, gawking in shock at her Diamond. Pink Diamond turned to the smaller Gem, smiling sadly, vacant eyes staring back at Pearl.

Why—why would her Diamond say such a thing? The uprising wasn’t her fault, so why—

Her Diamond chuckled softly, shaking her head, her thick curls bouncing slightly with each movement. “I let a lie get out of hand. I should have—I did know better. I’m sorry, Pearl. You got dragged into one of my  _ silly  _ games…”

Pearl could only bawk, mouth agape, trying desperately to say something—anything—but her thoughts were swirling like a nebula caught in a black hole, spinning and spinning endlessly.

Looking back at the window, towards a rusty red planet, Pink Diamond placed a hand on the glass. “I can’t really apologize enough for all the pain I caused you… That’s why—” Her Diamond turned again, this time a look of intensity overtaking her features, “—this plan has to work, Pearl. This will fix everything.”

Pearl was mesmerized by the normally soft features harden, eyes bright and sharp, concentrated, no longer listless. For the briefest moment, Pearl imagined something she was supposed to… Her, holding her Diamond’s hand, fingers interlaced, palms touching, hearing her Diamond call her, “My Pearl…”

Shaking her head off the odd images, Pearl tried to match her Diamond’s determined look with her own. “I understand, my Diamond. And I will do whatever I can to aid in your success! You have my solemn vo—”

Pearl yelped as arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a hug. Close to her head, she could hear her Diamond sniffle—was she crying? Did Pearl say something wrong?—and murmur softly thanks over and over.

Pink Diamond was an enigma.

This Pearl knew from the moment she was rejuvenated. Her Diamond did not behave as the other Diamonds.

And quite frankly, she was happy about that. For all the oddities she possessed, there was a… kindness in this Diamond that no one else possessed. And Pearl’s sole purpose was to bring Pink Diamond happiness.

If this project would make her happy, then Pearl was fine. All that mattered was Pink Diamond’s happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the weird update schedule. In all honesty, I don't even have one, but ehhhh, I'm trying.
> 
> Either way, I'm trying to get a new job, so things may go quiet on and off for a bit. Wish me luck!


	8. The Status Quo

_Where can I bury all of my suffering_

_Casualties of poison and pride_

_Where is the line between losing everything_

_And giving it all to say that you've tried_

_\- "Apocalypse State of Mind" by Aviators_

* * *

"Oh, my Diamond, are you leaving?"

Pink paused in front of the loading dock, turning slightly to Pearl. "Yes, there're some personal matters I need to attend to."

Perking up, Pearl announced, "Oh, wonderful! I'll get the—"

"Actually, Pearl, I need you to stay here." Pink tried not to flinch slightly as she watched Pearl visibly deflate. "There's a lot of paperwork I need you to go through and organize," she quickly added. "I only trust _you_ with this, alright? Can you do this for me?"

Pearl gawked in surprise before jerking her head up and down energetically. "O-Of course, my Diamond! I'll get started on it right away!"

Pink gave the pearl a relieved smile. "Thank you, Pearl. I really appreciate it. My duties may take a bit of time, so please, take your time."

With that, she turned around, boarding the ship that would take her to a place she had once swore she would dismantle the next time she'd return.

Now, it was finally time to make good on her own promise.

* * *

"My Diamond, we're nearing your Zoo."

Pink sighed softly to herself, unable to look at the thing Blue had created 'for her'. "Thank you, Nephrite. You and your crew did wonderful taking me this far."

The commanding Nephrite's cheeks brightened, her large gemstone eye shifting back down to the control panel. "M-m-my pleasure, my Diamond! My c-crew and I are happy to be-be of service to you!"

Noting the pilot's odd behavior, Pink quietly pondered if her presence was unnerving the poor Gem. _'It wouldn't surprise me,'_ Pink mused to herself. _'Diamonds control their whole lives. One wrong move could mean the end of it…'_

She tried not to shudder at the thought. Now wasn't the time to feel sorry for her wretched existence. Now, she must use this _cursed_ power for good, to right the wrongs she had allowed to occur. And even though she also felt bad for asking her crew to take her here, it wasn't as if she was left with much choice. Bismuth was still busy reconstructing the Leg Ship into fitting Pink's new form, as in its current state it would break if she did as much as set foot in it.

The ship docked in the hanger, Pink held up a hand to the crew. "There is no need to accompany me. This is a matter for the Diamond Authority."

They saluted her, and she exited the ship, eyes steeled and gaze focused. No distractions. No _games_. She kept reminding herself this, as she stepped into the massive hall that was built specifically for the Diamonds, designed for their imposing height.

At one point, it would have felt massive to Pink, but now, that was no longer the case. She wasn't a _little_ Diamond anymore. She was just like _them_ now.

She was _just like them_.

For the briefest moment, her vision shifted, a slight distortion appearing in the corners of her vision, as if shadows were creeping along the farthest corners of the hall.

Pink bit her lower lip, shutting her eyes and shaking her head. _Frack_ , she was more exhausted than she had thought. Her re-emergence wasn't all that long ago, and things were most likely still taking time to get used to.

But, as much as she liked to, she couldn't stay put. There was so much to do, and she had wasted enough time _frolicking about_. _'Remember'_ , she told herself, you didn't put yourself through this just to _pebble up the play_.

Reaching the end of the hall, and her destination, she opened the door and stepped into the large pink room.

Bubbles. Bubbles holding similar looking gemstones. She spared them a quick glance before reaching out a hand, cupping one bubble in particular. She examined it closely before sighing to herself.

Thinking back, there were many reasons why her foolish 'rebellion' wouldn't work. Going against the Gem Empire wasn't the primary issue. Gems were people, _individuals_ , all with their own quirks and personalities. Some could be reasoned with, others couldn't be pushed back without unnecessary violence.

No, the problem was… Rose Quartz was not a _person_. She was not _real_ , a mere _fantasy_ created by a _childish Diamond_ who could only treat things as a _game_. And the gemstone in her hands was _proof_ of that. The face this Gem possessed… Rose _stole_ that from her.

Rose stole this poor Gem's identity, along with her freedom. Even though the resemblance was unfortunate, even though this Quartz wasn't supposed to look like the rebel leader, a cruel twist of fate… Things _never_ turn out like how Pink wanted them. That was her fate. Pink was a _Diamond_. She was not a Quartz. She had _no right_ to take another's freedom, accidental or otherwise.

And in order for this Gem to be free… Rose Quartz, rebel leader, could no longer exist.

Cupping the bubble, Pink glanced around, towards the windows displaying the planet the Zoo circled around. "The first thing," she mused aloud, "is to unbubble these Quartzes, hmm? Then, perhaps I can convince the staff here to fly this ship towards the Earth… Hmm, it _may_ take a few Earth years for it to arrive, and then there's the matter of what to do with these Quartzes, and then the staff themselves after…"

She subconsciously fiddled with the bubble, being partially mindful on how much pressure she placed on the bubble so as not to pop it. "Leaving them here might not be an option. There's still a strong stigma against Rose Quartz gems after everything… my ship is far too small to fit everyone—" She paused, mid-sentence, eyeing the bubbles around her carefully. Full sized Quartzes might not all fit into her ship… but as gemstones..?

* * *

The Holly Blue Agate before Pink chattered.

A _lot_.

Pink tried not to show her annoyance with the various words of praise—empty words, really—as the poor Agate was merely doing her duty. All Gems had to praise their Diamonds, and no amount of insisting from Pink would get them all to suddenly stop.

So, for now, she had to deal with it.

"—of course, I _understand_ how preoccupied you are with your duties, so I will _ensure_ we arrive in a _timely_ manner to your colony."

Pink nodded stiffly. "Good, see to it that the humans' needs are met in the meantime."

The Agate nodded eagerly. "Of course! And you mentioned those bubbled Quartzes..?"

"Yes, I would like them loaded into my ship before departure."

The Agate, to her credit, gawked at the request. "M-m-my Diamond, these Gems were bubbled for your own protection! That defective Gem might not have been the only one who—"

"I assure you, Holly Blue," Pink interrupted, turning to look directly at the Agate. It silenced her immediately. "I am aware of the risks. There will be no issue in releasing these Gems. The rebel leader Rose's behavior does not reflect on their own characters."

The Agate shifted uncomfortably for a moment. "Ah, y-yes, of course. Your kindness towards these Gems and the organics is truly awe-inspiring, my Radiance. I will do as you request, at _once_."

"Thank you, Holly Blue." Pink hated to admit it, but she was slightly bemused by the sudden bashful look that overcame the Agate's expression before she scurried away. Apparently, she was not thanked enough for her diligence. A shame, really.

As much of a chatterbox that Agate was, she was passionate about her work. Perhaps Pink can convince Blue to give this Agate a better, more rewarding position in the future—

 _Blue_. Pink's expression darkened slightly at the thought of her elder. The words she spat came rushing back, and in that moment, she felt a wave of guilt wash over her.

Slumping into the overly large cushion, Pink took in a shaky breath. She was _careless_. She let her emotions get the better of her, and worse yet, she inflicted _pain_ onto another. Blue looked… upset? No, _horrified_. Pink had _never_ addressed Blue like that.

In all honesty, Pink had _no_ intention of ever addressing Blue like that. She had swore _never_ to raise her voice again, not after—

White noise flooded her senses. Clutching her gemstone, Pink tried hard to shake away those thoughts. No, _no_ , she can't focus on the past. She can't keep focusing on her _failures_ and blaming _others_ for her behavior. She had to hold herself accountable…

Blue was concerned, and Pink _lashed out_. All the _anger_ and _fear_ from the Rebellion had come boiling over, right into Blue's face. That was _not_ the person Pink wanted to be, was _going_ to be. She had to be better than that.

Slowly, her environment was silent again, and the pressure building up inside her gem subsided. Pushing her bangs away from her eyes, Pink stared up at the ceiling. How often had she done this, she pondered. How often did she lay in her tower, staring at the ceiling, lost in thoughts and woes. Pitying herself and her _foolishness_ , bemoaning the fact that she couldn't _behave_ and was being held _accountable_ for her actions.

Sighing, she pushed herself off of the pillow. It was starting to make sense, in a demented way. Pink was stuck in a pointless cycle of indulgence, punishment, pity, and status quo. It wasn't just one singular point that led her astray; it was her entire mentality.

"Change needs to be complete," she murmured softly. "If I truly want to change… I will need to break this frivolous cycle once and for all."

In regards to where she was currently… It was _pity_. She was certainly in the pity stage, regretting the harmful words she shot at her fellow _Diamond_. Regret could only take her so far. Did she feel bad about her behavior? _Yes_. So it stands to reason that she should apologize for her behavior.

But, wasn't that what she always did? She'd apologize, giving a tearful apology and then—

 _Ah…_ returning to the status quo. She'd go back to being a silly, _whimsical_ Diamond, not at all worried about her actions. It didn't matter if she felt _bad_ at the moment. What happened was what she did _after_.

Huffing, Pink shook her head. "Honestly, to think it took me this long." She couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her lips. Well, that was _then_. _That_ was no longer the status quo. Pink was a _destroyer_ ; it was something she was very good at.

So, it stands to reason that she can destroy the current status quo, she thought as she looked at the remaining bubbled Quartz—that particular Quartz that she owed so much towards.

And maybe, just _maybe_ , in the rumble of its destruction, a new normal could be made. One where Gems would not be _used_ , where no one would be abandoned and _lost_ , where Pink can finally, _finally_ , do some true _good_ to Gemkind, and preserve the wonderful life on Earth.


End file.
